??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
