Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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