He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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