i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
