i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
