I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
