I cannot find my penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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