You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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