I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
