i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How's work?
Spinning.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
