GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
