My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
