he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
