We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
