sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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