Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
