I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
