I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize