Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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