he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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