i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize