We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
