doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
