i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she peed on how many people?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
