who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
