I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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