i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
