do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
