when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
