im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
