So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
