so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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