In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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