Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
