remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
