Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
