What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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