Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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