I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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