so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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