i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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