True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
