Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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