Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
