i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
