You're my little dorito
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You have to summon your inner elephant
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
