I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
