I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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