Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
