fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
